So here I am. Googling around trying to figure out how in the world I am going to caulk my shower and clean the grout once and for all. I have no idea! Isn't this a man's job? Shouldn't my husband be doing this? And then it hits me...I am marginally married. I have a husband, who I adore, but the man simply has no time. He works far too much and sleeps far too little to do strange things like refinish our shower. I am forced to independence.
Countless events over the last few weeks scroll through my brain. The images of me doing things alone that normal married people do as a couple. I'm not sad or bitter; some of them are downright hilarious. Apartment hunting downtown, cleaning the entire house so I can meet with a realtor to sell this place, giving away a metric boatload of items via Craigslist all while never opening my front door to a stranger (that's dangerous and I'm not crazy!), figuring out a plan to spay and neuter the stray mama cat and her five kittens that have taken up residence in my backyard, planning a "Through the Decades" party because I can, fixing running toilets, giving the in-laws back all of the baby stuff because how will we ever have time to conceive if we don't see each other...all alone.
And since no post would be complete with pictures, I dug up these gems from my pre-blogging life to prove that nobody could possibly make this stuff up.
Okay, friends, feral cats are VERY difficult to photograph, but look in the center for the cutest kitten around. Here's the full scoop on this one. Picture us on a week long beachfront vacation. Ahhhhh. Nothing better. Then we come home to find life at home hasn't changed one bit. First things first...the toilet has been running nonstop since we left one week ago. I thought we checked that before we left!! Oh well, no big deal. We have PLENTY of money to pay the $300 water bill that will arrive in just a few weeks. I wish I was kidding, but sadly I am not. Next, I let the pooch out just in time for her to be attacked by a feral cat leaping from the bushes. What the heck?!?!? Cut to me very carefully rooting around to find five baby kittens. Being the concerned citizen I am, I don't want them multiplying in my neighborhood. Are there any shelters that will take kittens and adopt them out to a good home? No, definitely not. It's apparently cat season and everybody is full. My only choice is to catch them all. The lady at the Humane Society says they like Popeye's chicken best and it is my only hope of getting each cat in his/her very own trap. Easier said than done. Don't worry - the day before I am set to pick up the traps all of the cats move out never to be seen again. Reason #389 of why we need to move out ASAP: Nine months from now there will be approximately 97 inbred feral kittens running amuck in my neighborhood because I failed. In case you were wondering, my husband has absolutely zero involvement in this whole ordeal other than telling me, "They can not live in our backyard!" Thanks for the advice, dear. :-)
Reason #420 of why we need to move ASAP: This will be my new backyard. No feral cats, no grass that will die when the sprinklers break, no fence that needs to be pressure washed...I could go on an on.
Welp, better get to bed. After all, I have a shower to caulk tomorrow....